Just learning how to cope…

Hey Y’all 

Well it’s a new day, should be thankful I know but everyday I wake, I have to push myself to get up, get out of bed. I have to get up really early now 4:30-5 am due to the Adderall. (Didn’t know this at first & didn’t sleep for 3 days & 4 looooonnnnggg nights) so needless to say now I get up & take meds so I can sleep at night. Every morning I have to take a couple of pain meds (lowest dose available) just to be able to move without crying. I never knew that any disease could make you hurt so bad day in & day out. No one has been able to tell me exactly which one is causing this, they have said Dystonia movements & Tourettes movements/tics cause pain but as well, the Fibromyalgia makes you hurt all over, so to say it’s one of them no one can say. When I started the Adderall (for the Tourette’s) I noticed that I started chewing on the inside of my mouth, my gums, cheeks & lips, hey that hurts so bad & I look like a dufuss! So I then picked my lips, well heck that made me look worse had sores on the outside.  So they lowered the dose & I found didn’t help so I have been reading even more about the Tourette’s & guess what that’s a symptom 😳(I have so much to learn about these diseases) on one of the articles I read online said “looks like your always chewing on your cud” hmmmm that’s so not good. I’ve been watching & following April the giraffe & she’s always chewing on her cud. So I guess now I look like a freaking giraffe. (At least Aprils pretty) 

Well since Mom has passed away my symptoms have been so much worse. She wasn’t only my Mom but she was my best friend, so I really have to learn how to get through each day without her. I never understood when my Dad passed Mom would say it felt like she lost part of her limbs, like part of her died with him. Well now I totally understand because that’s exactly how I feel. So now the docs say the symptoms are worse because of stress, depression & just emotions in general, that these cause all 3 of the diseases to magnify drastically. So now I am trying to learn how to cope with “My New Life” how to handle my emotions differently. That’s why I started Blogging!!!  Like I said a couple of days ago maybe through me learning how to, I could help someone else with my blogging.  

My days now are harder I’m home all the time alone because 1st off my Husband works days everyday & used to I would go spend my days with my Mom & well now that’s not possible. So I started a planner it’s called a “Happy Planner” so far I really enjoy it, but that only takes a few minutes a day so that leaves another 11 1/2 hours to try & stay buzy.  Some days I just sit in recliner all day cause I don’t feel to good, other days I clean the house, watch you tube on new things to try. That’s where I saw about blogging.  Since Mom is gone now I don’t like to even turn the TV on cause, silly I know, but Mom always watched TV & well it makes me sad. I don’t really go anywhere any more cause so far I just don’t feel all that great & I just don’t enjoy being around anyone anymore, which really sux cause I used to love being around anyone & everyone. But hopefully once I learn to cope with everything all that will change, so I guess till then home I will be. But I am going out tomorrow (which I dread allready) for an Easter crawfish boil (I love crawfish) at my sisters with the family.  Really don’t want to go cause it’s 1st holiday with out Mom!  Don’t get me wrong I love my family, spending time with my granddaughters, siblings, nieces & nephews & all the great nieces & nephews, cause they will all be there. So SHOULD be fun oh & did I say I Love Crawfish!!!  As of now still don’t know if hubbs is off work so that won’t be good if he’s not there.  He’s been my rock the last almost 22 years now. But I tell you what the last couple of years I couldn’t of made it with out him. He’s just started a new position at his job & I am so very proud of him him for it!  He’s worked almost 40 years for this & even tho it’s so hard right now with everything going on (for me) I have to buck up & just do it!  He works 12-14 hour days, but now is on call 24/7 so even when he’s home mentally he’s still at work. So I guess that’s why I ramble so much on here. It gets really lonely. But I hope he never finds that part out cause well I want to be the wife he deserves, that stands behind him no matter what. I’m really working on that. So if anyone has any suggestions they are Always welcome!!!  I try everyday when he comes in to put on a smile and act like I’m perfect, not depressed or anything.  But seems to be harder & harder all the time. I never thought having time for myself could be this rough/hard but geez louise it really is. 

Well I gotta go try & get a few things done before Hubbs comes in from work, but hope to get to write again tomorrow or if not I will on Monday when the (dreaded) holiday is over. But I do know what the main reason for this special holiday is and I thank God for all things He has done for me & my family!!!  Tho things seem so blue right now I know with God by my side everything will turn out even better than I could ever imagine!

Till next time!  I hope & Pray you have one Amazing Easter 🐣 with your loved ones!!!  Enjoy them & be sure to let them know what they mean to you because tomorrow is never promised & you just might not have that chance again!!!

Happy Easter, Katie

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