Hi y’all,

Hadn’t been on in a couple days, it’s been some of those “what life throws at you” kinda days.  Been sick with that stinking cold.  The Tourette’s & Fibramylgia symptoms have really been kicking in so bad the last several days.  I so don’t know how much more of this I can take & at times like these you just want your Mom & Dad,  and that’s just not possible.  That makes things so much worse just puts me into some kind of crazy depression that I don’t know how to pull myself out of.  My mouth has gotten so bad from the chewing that it’s so sore I can hardly eat.  Doc called out this swish & swallow mouth stuff that helps for a few minutes till I chew it all off 😩. Makes me so mad at myself.  I feel myself pulling away from everyone (which has been for awhile) but never thought I’d pull away from the one person who’s always been there for me, my hubby but now that’s happening.  I don’t want to, but I am.  I’m just having such a hard time with these stupid diseases, Moms death, selling Mom & Dads house and my Mother-in-laws cancer, that I don’t know what to do anymore.  Then to top it all off I got a call from the urgent care that  I went to several weeks ago & I had to do (hate to say on here) but, a stool specimen & they called with news that my white blood cell count was 3 times higher than the highest level it should be & lots of blood in it.  So they scheduled me with a new doc 🙈 I just hate going to docs in the first place but a new one is even worse.  So I go to him Monday.  I just Pray that it isn’t some new disease, don’t think I could take that, that’s for sure.  At times like these I just feel so guilty that my hubbs has to go through this with me.  I love him so much it hurts & he me, but geez louise he shouldn’t have to be with someone like me, he deserves so much better cause he is such a great man.  He would be so upset if he knew I felt this away cause he says all the time he married me for better or worse & sickness an in health, but I know in my heart he never signed up for this.  I mean I know he’d never leave me & I’m really trying my best to be the wife he deserves, but sometimes it’s harder than I’d ever imagined being sick & hurting all the time.

Ok sorry this is why I haven’t been on in a couple of days cause I knew I’d just ramble on & on.  Hopefully tomorrow I can get on & be positive like I started this blog for, not this whining crud I’m doing.

So I’m gonna sign off now.  Sending positive vibes to everyone in hopes it helps someone!!!  Till tomorrow – Me


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