My lil’ man

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Well hi y’all

I never thought I’d be doing this but I’m bringing my lil’ man back to the same place.  The owner contacted me for 2 weeks apologizing for what happened to TaZ.  She felt so bad about it, she really seemed genuinely concerned & I know it wasn’t her that tortured my lil’ man.  I did send pics & vets report to her  & the old owner an they reported her to the board & she was terminated.   So I decided to give her another try.  I’ve been a nervous wreck about it for the last few days am been up since midnight worrying.  I don’t know how he is going to react when we drive back up there.  I asked the vet his opinion he said he will prolly be scared to go anywhere now that does grooming but hopefully after the first time he sees they aren’t mean & abusive to him he will be ok just might take a couple of times going.  So I’m Praying that he does good.  I told the owner I will bring him in today but if he acts scared an she feels uncomfortable at all to please call me & I will find someone else to do him.  To me he’s my son an I can’t handle seeing him in the shape he’s been for the last month.  He’s never been scared of anything an now scared of everything.  😢  Poor lil’ man has been thorough the ringer this year, when Mom died he was right there with me at the head of her bed while I was laying on the bed across her chest when she took her last breath. After that he was traumatized for a while then to find out that he was being tortured through it all just breaks my heart in a zillion pieces an to know I’m the one that would bring him to that evil person.   So Praying he does good today an won’t hate me when I pick him up.

Well I gotta run bring him so say a quick Prayer if you read this that God will have his hands on him today an he will do good an won’t be tortured.  Till later ~ me

Same life, new week…

Hey y’all hope everyone had an Awesome Mothers Day!!!  ☝🏻that’s how I spent mine that afternoon. Was a nice pretty day for a ride.  

Last week wasn’t a good week at all, guess I was dreading the 1st Mothers Day without my Mother.  I knew when the day came around I had to buck up & try not to be too depressed for the hubbs an his Mom.  I did alright, we had the girls again for the weekend so that helped some they gave me a dozen yellow roses & a Grandma teddy bear.  Friday night hubbs worked till 10:45 pm, that’s a long day from 3:30am till 10:45.  But he was supposed to go back Sat & called someone else to go in for him, so that was really nice he was off Sat & Sun.  That’s the 1st two days he’s had off since he took off for Moms funeral beginning of January.  

Well things have come to a head with sisters, it really sucks that losing your parents & selling the family home can tear your family apart but it is.  I guess with 5 of us having to make decisions & all have to agree it was bound to happen.  Like one thing was I haven’t been able to mourn Mom because of the house an all, let me back up we had an open house the Sunday before Mother’s Day an we have a family really interested in the house.  Well anyone that’s sold a house, you know that you have inspections, appraisals & such, well the inspection went pretty good for a 60 year old house with only a few minor fixes & one I guess kinda big (to raise the electric lines that have ran across driveway for 60 years now) an now the potential buyers are wanting either us to fix or take off price so we have been having to talk about that.  So back to Sunday woke up to a bunch of texts about the house so started responding with hubbs & I’s opinions about what to & not to do.  Well to make a long story short one of the oldest said what do I want, I said to just give them what they want so we can sell it an begin the mourning process for Mom.  Well she hit the roof because I haven’t mourned Mom yet, that it’s crazy that I hadn’t so on, so on.  I tried to explain my feelings (being the youngest now that my brother is gone I’m just weird & don’t know anything, to some of them that is) well that really hurt me pretty bad so guess afterwards I was kinda on defense from then on.  Later in the day we needed to figure it out to let them (the potential buyers) know & only one sister was messaging me on the group text back an forth about it trying to figure it out no one else chimed in or anything.  So then I began to get upset, not angry, I mean it has to be done, I didn’t text nothing mean I just asked for the other 3 to give their opinions so we can be done with it.  Well needless to say no one responded till Monday am at 5:15 the 2nd to oldest, texted how awful I am, I am so mean for asking them for their opinions.  Proceeded to chew me a new one.  After that I was angry I wasn’t upset any longer just angry 😡.   It was just craziness to the point of telling me I have broken up our family, etc…so I look back on text to see if maybe I wrote something awful an didn’t remember or what, I look back to February, the worst thing I wrote was “well c, j & d what is yalls opinions, no one is responding 😢”.   That was the meanest thing I put wasn’t even an angry face or anything.  I mean geez louise I know I wear my feeling on my shoulder a lot but that surely wouldn’t hurt me, I mean I looked & they both (oldest two) wrote those almost exact words prolly a minimum of a dozen times a piece in the last few months.  Well I tried to text I’m sorry, blah blah blah that I so didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings just knew it had to be discussed & done.  Well by 9am one left group (the one that started group text at 5:15 am) & told me didn’t need my help on anything that she’d just let me know where i could go pick up my check after the sell.  😳 then left the group.  After that I lost it, she didn’t think about I could still text her on her own an I did.  See at the open house she made several really ugly comments about me, I mean that cut to the core an I never once said anything about it to her or anyone else I’ve tried to just chalk it up to we are all hurting but I told her everything & then some, cause the old saying “you can’t throw stones in glass houses” fits here perfectly!!!!  One of her comments in group text to me was she has so much going on in her life, blah blah blah.  I tried to explain we all have our own problems in our personal lives, that her life struggles were totally different than mine & I named everyone of my siblings & said they are all different but but no ones life is more important or less important than the next ones (oh did I say she has 6 grandchildren that 4 live 3 hours one way, in the same yard an the other 2 live about 3 hours away the other way an they go an spend 2-3 weeks at a time, then comes home for a week an goes back again with them & partying the whole time on the lake, literally partying every night 😩such a rough life, don’t get me wrong I’m glad they get to spend quality time with the kids, but it’s like they are on vacation constantly an she says how rough her life is🙈).  Needless to say I never heard anything back from her.  I mean we all struggle daily with different things in our lives which are all totally different.  It just really sucks that as close of a family as we always were, (people have always said I wish our family was as close as yall’s,) now we are nothing I mean I have to get on here an spill my guts cause I can’t to my siblings, an to me that’s the worst feeling ever.  Mom & Dad would be so hurt right now to know what was going on, thank God that there is no sorrow in Heaven cause they sure would have a lot of it.  I know this is so not how we were raised.  But hopefully one day when this is all behind us that we can move past this & become the family we used to be, but with the jabs & mean comments I’m really scared it won’t happen 😢.  So that’s been my week so far, it really sucks I really love my siblings might get angry/upset with them but I do still love them.  So I decided I’m just gonna back away & let the oldest 2 do their own thing with the house an I will just except what ever happens.  

Other than all that things been pretty rotten.  I’m trying to quit smoking again with chantix have taken since last Tuesday an one day nausea was soooo bad for about 4 1/2 hours.  Started trying to think what I had done right before the nausea hit an realized I had just taken some excedrine migraine meds.  So hadn’t been taking them an just gotten nauseated a couple of times since this am being one of them.  I really want/need to quit an several years ago I quit with chantix no problems at all with it (should of never picked up another cig but I did) but I guess with the gastric bypass things are totally different now.  I really hope I can handle this nauseousness for a little longer for it to help me to quit.  Last month when I was so sick with nausea & the other I lost 28 pounds (which that was a good thing 😊) but I had started the chantix  a couple days after I was sick, so doc had told me to stop taking it till I was better than try again, so I am 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻.   I notice I don’t smoke nearly as much as I was but still do. They said it might take a couple weeks on it to stop so I’m hoping it will, I’m only taking once a day now which supposed to be two a day but scared to get sicker with it so I’m hoping this will still help.  

Update on Mother-in-law, this last chemo session was the worst so far 😢 she’s been hurting so bad could hardly walk.  She’s not one that likes taking pain meds but said this time she takes them on a regular basis when supposed to because that’s how bad it is.   I tell y’all again cancer sucks it’s really the devil in disguise.  But I think she enjoyed her Mother’s Day.  All the kids, grand an great grandkids were there.   She smiled a lot more than I’ve seen her do in a while.  The hubbs talks to her at least once a day an said last week she was angry about everything said she was fussing so much an realized it an told him how sorry she was an he told her that was fine she needed to get it all out to keep on fussing he could take it an she did. She said she just is so angry with cancer how evil it was an it was just ruining her quality of life.    Makes us so sad to know she’s going through so much an all we can do is just be there for her, you just wanta take away the pain but can’t.  

Well I know your prolly glad I hadn’t gotten on in awhile so wouldn’t have to read all this bs.  But till next time hold your loved ones tight & let them know just how much you love em’ ❤️ till later ~ me 

Hey y’all meet Lonny…

Pic is of My lil’ Lonny, he’s called a lawnmower Blenny!  He’s got a personality that is hilarious, we just got him a couple of weeks ago & I’m home everyday so I watch the 4 aquariums (my hubbs midlife crisis, much rather aquariums than other women, lol) a lot.  This is the only salt water one we have other 3 are fresh water.  Well I love to watch this one because it changes daily, the colors of everything.  When I go to front of it & he sees me he comes really fast up behind a rock stands on his fins & sticks out his chest at me over the rock then ducks his head an comes back, does it over & over then I go sit in the chair next to it he comes flying into this small hole in the rock & stares at me. Example:

He’s so ugly he’s cute with his big ol’ bushy eye brows.  I started googling & you tubing these fish & they are known for their dispositions.  I’m so glad we got him he’s company for me believe it or not. 🙈

Well was pretty buzy yesterday, cleaned house and ran errands all day cause my girlies (our twin 13 year old granddaughters) were coming to stay for the weekend an I’m used of going to bed with the hubbs at 8:30-9 cause he goes to work at 3:45 am an needless to say the girlies favorite time to talk to Maw Maw is during the night, like this am was till 3.   So needless to say I knew I’d be useless in house this weekend running on just 2 hours max of sleep a night this weekend.  Now I have 2 sleepy heads that don’t want to get up & we allready brought tickets for a 10:45 showing this am to see Beauty & the Beast.  Maw Maw isn’t too excited to go but we are going to this new theater called a Bistro that you sit in recliners and order your food & drinks an they deliver it to you, full fledge meals.  So I do want to go experience that an it’s nice to spend time with the girls, and at least in a dark theater none of their friends will see their shakey grandma.  So that’s one good thing 😊.  

The hubbs ended up working again this weekend an that really sux.  I really am trying so hard to be the supportive wife with this new position but it’s really taking its toll on me.  Being alone so much (hence watching freaking fish aquariums all day 🙈 🐟) just isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.  When he comes home I wanta talk cause I’ve been alone all day an the dog, bird & fish just don’t make really good conversationalist.  But he’s still so preoccupied with work that I end up not saying anything cause when I did at the beginning he doesn’t even respond or anything an that just hurts my feelings so I just quit, I say what I have to an that’s pretty much it.  Really sux cause if you knew me I Love to talk.  But hopefully one day it will calm down a little bit so we can have a life again togather.  Now he has a work laptop & has to work till goes to bed then gets up & starts all over again.  That’s all new to him, kinda rough on him cause he’s almost 59 an this is all new to him.  He’s been a boss for the last 20 some odd years but this is the big boss an totally different than what he’s done there for the last 40 years.  He made the comment a couple times now he’d retire if I couldn’t handle this an I tell him every time he’s worked for 40 years to get to this position & I surely wouldn’t take that away from him.  

Other thing that happened this past Wednesday, we had an awful storm hit us we got almost 13″ of rain it was crazy.  Thank God it didn’t get into our house, but it did get in a lot of our friends home that day an my 2nd to oldest sister lives out on the river, luckily they built a 2 story house cause the bottom floor flooded with about 6-8″ of water, thank God they knew chances of flooding due to prior flooding before built the 2 story & they made the bottom floor to where things are up higher an now can move important things to the second floor.  They were out of town till Thursday morning early an had to get to their house by jet skis an when they got there started picking everything up inside the water was up to their porch at that time, which is almost 6 foot off the ground she sent pic & they had the boat pulled up to porch and they are like almost 40′ from the river.  By that evening it was 3″ from going in, during night made its way in.  So sad 😭.  She said yesterday it was going down so that’s a big relief.  

Well gotta run kiddos are finally waking up so got to get them moving so we can get there on time.  Till later hope everyone has a great weekend. ~me

Been awhile…

Hey Y’all

Well it’s been awhile since I’ve written, had to restore laptop & that was a 6 day project! Well the restore was the easy part, but trying to get all my pics, videos & voice mails back was a whole other ball game.  But I got it now!  Thank God.  I was so upset about this I didn’t know what to do with myself, but after several sleepless nights I got it.  I feel so rotten tho cause the night it happen my poor hubby came in to the craft room & I was bawling like a big ol’ baby, I had just lost everything (which he didn’t know about) & get on my other computer to try & figure things out, the first thing that pops up & starts playing by itself when I opened the other computer is a voicemail from my Mom, oh my I lost it, couldn’t stop crying for anything.  He came in to see when I was gonna do something or another & I lost it on him, told him my life was awful, I can’t take life any longer that everything now days just sux!  Poor thing didn’t know what to say, I know it was not his fault in anyway what so every, hence feeling so bad to this day, but by saying those things I know I hurt him so bad.  I apologized to him for several days, but he’s so good he understood everything and he knows that he gives me the best life a girl could ever ask for, just seems like nothing is going right this year already & just so hard to take anything new that comes along.  He told me at the time while hugging this big ol’ bawling baby that I could & would fix it to try an relax, so the shaking would get better and just get started on fixing it.  He is just so wonderful, he believes in me so much more than I believe in myself.  But that’s done now and I just have to move on an get past all the things that “life has been throwing” at me lately. (fingers & toes crossed)

Well I went to new doc Monday, he said didn’t want to do any scopes are anything because of the infection inside, he was scared if he went in either way that it would just spread the infection so now go back at the end of the month.  So I was kinda glad of that cause of all the nasty stuff you have to drink before either scope, is just awful.

On top of all that, yesterday my Mother-in-law got awful news, they had told her when she found out about her stage 4 cancer that there was a chance of it going into remission, well now after several rounds of chemo they have told her she will never go into remission.  So sad, I hate that they told her that cause she had such a good disposition about it all and now I’m scared that she will lose hope ;(  cancer is just the devil!  It was so sad 7 years ago when my Dad passed away from cancer, my husband got a call from his aunt up north a week after we buried Daddy, that his real Dad passed away (they hadn’t seen each other in over 35 years, he was an awful man to my Hubbs, his Mom & siblings, very abusive), well he told his aunt that he buried his Dad (meaning my Dad ;)) a week ago that he was sorry for her loss.  Made my heart smile knowing he felt that away about my dad, but at the same time made me sad for him, for not having what I/he had with my Dad, with his. Then this year we lost Mom in January and not to long after we found out his mom has cancer and might not be with us much longer.  The day she called us from the doc for all of us kids (her 3 & spouses, meaning no grandkids) to meet her at her house asap, we knew it wasn’t good news at all.  We went & on the way my hubbs said he had the worst headache (which he never gets them) then while there he was just so different was like I had never seen him before, which I totally understood, especially after losing Dad then Mom, his Mom is the rock of his family, he was the oldest of the 3 kids and had to defend his Mom against his real dad on so many occasions, that now they have this really unique bond between them.  Well we were there for hours and there was a whole lot of crying, naturally.  His Mom has been married to an amazing man for 40 years now, my Hubbs stepdad (we laugh with her now because he won’t let her do ANYTHING and that drives her bonkers!) and that was the night they asked me to take care of her like I had just taken care of my Mom 😦 and of course I said I would do anything and everything in my power to help them with anything and everything!  They are the only parents I have left.   Well on the way home I asked hubby if he was ok, if he was feeling better, he said that his whole body had been like an aching/numb feeling, he said he had never felt that away before, he said at least the aching was better, (but to this day the numbness is still there) he stated that about when Daddy died that his real dad died right after and now it’s happening with our Moms.  Broke my heart into a zillion little pieces!  It’s like if she passes thats it, we won’t have any parents anymore.  I mean I know this is a part of growing up & getting older, but geez you’d think we’d have a little time between.  He said “but I know that no matter what that we will always have each other!!!”  So I try to always think of that statement when things get really tough and I just want to give up that, we do always have each others back, that we can get through anything life throws at us!

Well I got to run to her house then run errands so will write more later.  Hug your loved ones & let them know how much you love them!!!  Thanx for reading~me