Been awhile…

Hey Y’all

Well it’s been awhile since I’ve written, had to restore laptop & that was a 6 day project! Well the restore was the easy part, but trying to get all my pics, videos & voice mails back was a whole other ball game.  But I got it now!  Thank God.  I was so upset about this I didn’t know what to do with myself, but after several sleepless nights I got it.  I feel so rotten tho cause the night it happen my poor hubby came in to the craft room & I was bawling like a big ol’ baby, I had just lost everything (which he didn’t know about) & get on my other computer to try & figure things out, the first thing that pops up & starts playing by itself when I opened the other computer is a voicemail from my Mom, oh my I lost it, couldn’t stop crying for anything.  He came in to see when I was gonna do something or another & I lost it on him, told him my life was awful, I can’t take life any longer that everything now days just sux!  Poor thing didn’t know what to say, I know it was not his fault in anyway what so every, hence feeling so bad to this day, but by saying those things I know I hurt him so bad.  I apologized to him for several days, but he’s so good he understood everything and he knows that he gives me the best life a girl could ever ask for, just seems like nothing is going right this year already & just so hard to take anything new that comes along.  He told me at the time while hugging this big ol’ bawling baby that I could & would fix it to try an relax, so the shaking would get better and just get started on fixing it.  He is just so wonderful, he believes in me so much more than I believe in myself.  But that’s done now and I just have to move on an get past all the things that “life has been throwing” at me lately. (fingers & toes crossed)

Well I went to new doc Monday, he said didn’t want to do any scopes are anything because of the infection inside, he was scared if he went in either way that it would just spread the infection so now go back at the end of the month.  So I was kinda glad of that cause of all the nasty stuff you have to drink before either scope, is just awful.

On top of all that, yesterday my Mother-in-law got awful news, they had told her when she found out about her stage 4 cancer that there was a chance of it going into remission, well now after several rounds of chemo they have told her she will never go into remission.  So sad, I hate that they told her that cause she had such a good disposition about it all and now I’m scared that she will lose hope ;(  cancer is just the devil!  It was so sad 7 years ago when my Dad passed away from cancer, my husband got a call from his aunt up north a week after we buried Daddy, that his real Dad passed away (they hadn’t seen each other in over 35 years, he was an awful man to my Hubbs, his Mom & siblings, very abusive), well he told his aunt that he buried his Dad (meaning my Dad ;)) a week ago that he was sorry for her loss.  Made my heart smile knowing he felt that away about my dad, but at the same time made me sad for him, for not having what I/he had with my Dad, with his. Then this year we lost Mom in January and not to long after we found out his mom has cancer and might not be with us much longer.  The day she called us from the doc for all of us kids (her 3 & spouses, meaning no grandkids) to meet her at her house asap, we knew it wasn’t good news at all.  We went & on the way my hubbs said he had the worst headache (which he never gets them) then while there he was just so different was like I had never seen him before, which I totally understood, especially after losing Dad then Mom, his Mom is the rock of his family, he was the oldest of the 3 kids and had to defend his Mom against his real dad on so many occasions, that now they have this really unique bond between them.  Well we were there for hours and there was a whole lot of crying, naturally.  His Mom has been married to an amazing man for 40 years now, my Hubbs stepdad (we laugh with her now because he won’t let her do ANYTHING and that drives her bonkers!) and that was the night they asked me to take care of her like I had just taken care of my Mom 😦 and of course I said I would do anything and everything in my power to help them with anything and everything!  They are the only parents I have left.   Well on the way home I asked hubby if he was ok, if he was feeling better, he said that his whole body had been like an aching/numb feeling, he said he had never felt that away before, he said at least the aching was better, (but to this day the numbness is still there) he stated that about when Daddy died that his real dad died right after and now it’s happening with our Moms.  Broke my heart into a zillion little pieces!  It’s like if she passes thats it, we won’t have any parents anymore.  I mean I know this is a part of growing up & getting older, but geez you’d think we’d have a little time between.  He said “but I know that no matter what that we will always have each other!!!”  So I try to always think of that statement when things get really tough and I just want to give up that, we do always have each others back, that we can get through anything life throws at us!

Well I got to run to her house then run errands so will write more later.  Hug your loved ones & let them know how much you love them!!!  Thanx for reading~me


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