Last week wasn’t a good week at all, guess I was dreading the 1st Mothers Day without my Mother. I knew when the day came around I had to buck up & try not to be too depressed for the hubbs an his Mom. I did alright, we had the girls again for the weekend so that helped some they gave me a dozen yellow roses & a Grandma teddy bear. Friday night hubbs worked till 10:45 pm, that’s a long day from 3:30am till 10:45. But he was supposed to go back Sat & called someone else to go in for him, so that was really nice he was off Sat & Sun. That’s the 1st two days he’s had off since he took off for Moms funeral beginning of January.
Well things have come to a head with sisters, it really sucks that losing your parents & selling the family home can tear your family apart but it is. I guess with 5 of us having to make decisions & all have to agree it was bound to happen. Like one thing was I haven’t been able to mourn Mom because of the house an all, let me back up we had an open house the Sunday before Mother’s Day an we have a family really interested in the house. Well anyone that’s sold a house, you know that you have inspections, appraisals & such, well the inspection went pretty good for a 60 year old house with only a few minor fixes & one I guess kinda big (to raise the electric lines that have ran across driveway for 60 years now) an now the potential buyers are wanting either us to fix or take off price so we have been having to talk about that. So back to Sunday woke up to a bunch of texts about the house so started responding with hubbs & I’s opinions about what to & not to do. Well to make a long story short one of the oldest said what do I want, I said to just give them what they want so we can sell it an begin the mourning process for Mom. Well she hit the roof because I haven’t mourned Mom yet, that it’s crazy that I hadn’t so on, so on. I tried to explain my feelings (being the youngest now that my brother is gone I’m just weird & don’t know anything, to some of them that is) well that really hurt me pretty bad so guess afterwards I was kinda on defense from then on. Later in the day we needed to figure it out to let them (the potential buyers) know & only one sister was messaging me on the group text back an forth about it trying to figure it out no one else chimed in or anything. So then I began to get upset, not angry, I mean it has to be done, I didn’t text nothing mean I just asked for the other 3 to give their opinions so we can be done with it. Well needless to say no one responded till Monday am at 5:15 the 2nd to oldest, texted how awful I am, I am so mean for asking them for their opinions. Proceeded to chew me a new one. After that I was angry I wasn’t upset any longer just angry 😡. It was just craziness to the point of telling me I have broken up our family, etc…so I look back on text to see if maybe I wrote something awful an didn’t remember or what, I look back to February, the worst thing I wrote was “well c, j & d what is yalls opinions, no one is responding 😢”. That was the meanest thing I put wasn’t even an angry face or anything. I mean geez louise I know I wear my feeling on my shoulder a lot but that surely wouldn’t hurt me, I mean I looked & they both (oldest two) wrote those almost exact words prolly a minimum of a dozen times a piece in the last few months. Well I tried to text I’m sorry, blah blah blah that I so didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings just knew it had to be discussed & done. Well by 9am one left group (the one that started group text at 5:15 am) & told me didn’t need my help on anything that she’d just let me know where i could go pick up my check after the sell. 😳 then left the group. After that I lost it, she didn’t think about I could still text her on her own an I did. See at the open house she made several really ugly comments about me, I mean that cut to the core an I never once said anything about it to her or anyone else I’ve tried to just chalk it up to we are all hurting but I told her everything & then some, cause the old saying “you can’t throw stones in glass houses” fits here perfectly!!!! One of her comments in group text to me was she has so much going on in her life, blah blah blah. I tried to explain we all have our own problems in our personal lives, that her life struggles were totally different than mine & I named everyone of my siblings & said they are all different but but no ones life is more important or less important than the next ones (oh did I say she has 6 grandchildren that 4 live 3 hours one way, in the same yard an the other 2 live about 3 hours away the other way an they go an spend 2-3 weeks at a time, then comes home for a week an goes back again with them & partying the whole time on the lake, literally partying every night 😩such a rough life, don’t get me wrong I’m glad they get to spend quality time with the kids, but it’s like they are on vacation constantly an she says how rough her life is🙈). Needless to say I never heard anything back from her. I mean we all struggle daily with different things in our lives which are all totally different. It just really sucks that as close of a family as we always were, (people have always said I wish our family was as close as yall’s,) now we are nothing I mean I have to get on here an spill my guts cause I can’t to my siblings, an to me that’s the worst feeling ever. Mom & Dad would be so hurt right now to know what was going on, thank God that there is no sorrow in Heaven cause they sure would have a lot of it. I know this is so not how we were raised. But hopefully one day when this is all behind us that we can move past this & become the family we used to be, but with the jabs & mean comments I’m really scared it won’t happen 😢. So that’s been my week so far, it really sucks I really love my siblings might get angry/upset with them but I do still love them. So I decided I’m just gonna back away & let the oldest 2 do their own thing with the house an I will just except what ever happens.
Other than all that things been pretty rotten. I’m trying to quit smoking again with chantix have taken since last Tuesday an one day nausea was soooo bad for about 4 1/2 hours. Started trying to think what I had done right before the nausea hit an realized I had just taken some excedrine migraine meds. So hadn’t been taking them an just gotten nauseated a couple of times since this am being one of them. I really want/need to quit an several years ago I quit with chantix no problems at all with it (should of never picked up another cig but I did) but I guess with the gastric bypass things are totally different now. I really hope I can handle this nauseousness for a little longer for it to help me to quit. Last month when I was so sick with nausea & the other I lost 28 pounds (which that was a good thing 😊) but I had started the chantix a couple days after I was sick, so doc had told me to stop taking it till I was better than try again, so I am 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻. I notice I don’t smoke nearly as much as I was but still do. They said it might take a couple weeks on it to stop so I’m hoping it will, I’m only taking once a day now which supposed to be two a day but scared to get sicker with it so I’m hoping this will still help.
Update on Mother-in-law, this last chemo session was the worst so far 😢 she’s been hurting so bad could hardly walk. She’s not one that likes taking pain meds but said this time she takes them on a regular basis when supposed to because that’s how bad it is. I tell y’all again cancer sucks it’s really the devil in disguise. But I think she enjoyed her Mother’s Day. All the kids, grand an great grandkids were there. She smiled a lot more than I’ve seen her do in a while. The hubbs talks to her at least once a day an said last week she was angry about everything said she was fussing so much an realized it an told him how sorry she was an he told her that was fine she needed to get it all out to keep on fussing he could take it an she did. She said she just is so angry with cancer how evil it was an it was just ruining her quality of life. Makes us so sad to know she’s going through so much an all we can do is just be there for her, you just wanta take away the pain but can’t.
Well I know your prolly glad I hadn’t gotten on in awhile so wouldn’t have to read all this bs. But till next time hold your loved ones tight & let them know just how much you love em’ ❤️ till later ~ me