Hey y’all 

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Well it’s been a little while but not quite as long this time.   Nothing really new same ol’ stuff.  Been hurting really bad lately & I really try hard to handle this but just don’t seem like I can any more.  At about 6 every evening I fall asleep in my chair & hubbs wakes me up to go to bed. And  like this morning when I woke I could hardly walk on my ankles & that’s something  new seems like there’s always something new.  I find I am so agitated again but I am thinking it might be the migraine meds doing that, I’ve taken them for years but it’s the only thing I can think of besides being miserable with the hubbs job.   I’ve gotten to where I don’t leave the house much any longer cause actually I’m scared to drive I mean I still do, to go to doc or grocery, but other than that I don’t anymore.  I can’t tell my hubbs that or he won’t let me at all, so that’s out of the question.

Well my mother-in-law did chemo again a couple weeks ago & is still miserable, it usually only last a couple days this time it’s not stopping.  They were not gonna do it any longer but ran some tests & saw it was working some what, so did it.  Now I think she pretty much regrets that decision.   I try to often think of all the hell shes going through with the devil, cancer & think I shouldn’t be sad & all down cause of my life, I mean she knows she’s dieing & oh my that has to be just horrible.  I’m not, so I need to just buck up & quit all this being mad cause of what I have.   But geez Louise it is so hard.

I’ve been having to keep my Granddaughters & great grand Nephews lately so that’s 4 at a time & that helps to keep my mind off stuff for a little while, being the youngest is 2 & oldest is 13.   Matter of fact one of the twins has now decided she’s bi-sexual, binary (which I’m still trying to understand that one) & there’s another word but I can’t remember.   She was worried I wouldn’t love her anymore, I told her I’d love her regardless.   I’m scared it’s a faze cause all the kids in her school are doing it.    The way she decided she was, was googling it all. 🙈   Now she says she wants to be a boy.   She talks to me about all this & honestly I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what to say.   She asks me how I feel about it I tell her it’s not for me, but your You if this is what you want then it’s your decision.   I totally believe she really needs to wait till she’s a little older to make that decision before she spreads it all over social media like she has but who am I just the grandma.  Like yesterday she is sitting in shorts with her legs spread wide open, her sister told her to close her legs & sit like a girl/lady she said “I am a boy” I just said that as of right now your not a boy, you have a vagina & everyone can see it when you sit like that she said she don’t care cause she’s a boy (which she read on internet that all you have to do to be this way is act like a boy or girl an you will be that to whom ever you want to be with that day) then she walked in house & slammed the door.   Really hurt/pissed me off bad, when she came back out I told her look you wanta talk to me about anything an everything cause you don’t feel you can talk to anyone else but I can’t handle this if you want my opinion on things then you just have to accept what I say as my opinion or don’t ask.   I mean I want her to feel she can talk to me but geez it’s all I hear in songs about being gay or movies about it.   No I am not bashing or against gays I just don’t know what to do with a 13 year old that doesn’t know what she really wants cause one day she’s flirting & talking to a boy really seriously then she’s in love with a girl just the very next day.   This grandma just is to old for all this & just don’t know what or how to handle this & I will have them all summer so PLEASE HELP!!!!  Suggestions are requested & totally accepted.

For now gotta get dressed for doctor then have the girlies again all night.  So hope everyone has a great day & week.  ~me~

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It’s been a while…

Just for some cuteness, I added a couple of pics ☝🏻TaZ on right & his great aunt (I guess you’d say) on the left in the top pic, opposite on the bottom one lol.  

Wow I looked backed been almost a month since I’ve written.  I guess life really gets in the way sometimes. Back to my favorite saying  “what life throws at you!”

Been fighting Fibromyalgia really bad, I’ve never had what they call “flair ups” so bad.  Had em’ for almost 2 1/2 weeks off & on more on than off, it would last several days at least.  Then it takes several days to get over it then it would start all over again.  I really didn’t know what was going on with me.   My glands swole up in places I didn’t even know I had glands, then the aching started felt like I had flu but with no other flu like symptoms, then inside it felt like I had run a marathon the biggest & longest you could do.   But if you know me that’s so not gonna happen I can’t run around back yard with lil’ ones much less a race 🙈.   It was like all my muscles were torn & hurting.   Nothing was helping, I took ibuprofen, acetaminophen & extra pain pills, nothing helped. Soaked in tub of water forever seemed like & used a heating pad nothing helped.  I don’t know what brings them on but I Pray I will figure it out soon.   I went to my Rheumatologist office & was in the middle of a flair up & he looked at me an knew something was going on immediately.  I then started crying like a big ol’ baby in front of him telling him everything that had been going on, told him I was at the end of my rope I couldn’t do this anymore, he talked to me for a little while to calm me down then he did some testing & told me what was going on so finally I knew what the heck was happening & I knew I wasn’t losing my mind (well what’s left of it).   Well I left his office & went straight to the pharmacy with a new prescription I had never taken called Lyrica & within days could feel a gigantic difference.   Thank God!!!!   I had noticed I was mad, angry just pissed at the world no one in particular just everyone.   The doctor 👨‍⚕️ explained it pretty well, he said think about it like this, if you have ex. Poison ivy – you itch so bad that all the scratching in the world doesn’t help & it makes you mad cause it’s not helping & you just keep scratching & scratching, he said it’s kinda the same (without scratching of course) but your insides, the nerve endings are just going crazy & like the poison ivy nothing is helping them so it does make you angry, depressed, sad.   So it really helped a lot learning that it was the Fibromyalgia flair ups & the Lyrica was a God send.   Within 4 days, I hadn’t realized before just how angry I was till the Lyrica then I realized I wasn’t as angry anymore I didn’t jump at anything someone said & bite their heads off any longer.   It feels pretty good to not be so angry anymore.  So if you are fighting with something & it has some of those symptoms go to doctor it sure helped me.  😉

Well as for TaZ he went to groomer & came out with tons of kisses 😘 & that was such a good feeling.  In the pics above he had just gotten groomed & looked amazing like the old TaZ man.  Makes my heart so happy.   As far as “M” she no longer works there & no longer has a license to groom anywhere for that fact.  If your a groomer you should love to be around animals good, bad, mean or upset ones at anytime. Just my opinion.  Just like child care workers you have to love children to be one so same goes for groomers.  But at least I know now my lil’ man is in good hands once again & I check him from head to toe now regardless.  If I have my way it won’t happen again.  

Well as for my Mother-in-law not such good news at her last chemo session she was told her cancer is getting worse & the chemo was making her symptoms worse as well so they stopped the chemo. 😢 The Hubbs is taking her tomorrow for testing to see just how far the cancer has spread & what the next steps will be, if any.   They say the cancer tumors in her stomach are just awful an there is so many that it has filled her stomach with them and there is so many that they don’t understand why her stomach doesn’t just hurt her constantly, but it doesn’t it’s her back & legs, her legs are about 3 times the size of normal & she has lost prolly 40 pounds or more.  She told me the other day that it feels like her legs can’t hold up her upper body anymore.   😢 They have taken her off pretty much all her regular everyday meds now which scares me to death cause that usually means it’s really close to the end.  Which that just breaks my heart so much it hurts.   I know I’ve said it a 1000 times but cancer just sucks, it’s the devil.   I saw her a couple days ago & it had been about a week since I saw her last & she looked like she had aged by at least 30 years in that short amount of time. 😢 Of course I told her she looked awesome & was still as pretty as she’s always been & she is but you can tell that it’s really taking its toll on her.   So if you read this & you Pray, please Pray for her she needs all the Prayers she can get.  Thanks in advance 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Well Saturday night I prolly had a few to many fireballs & the Hubbs is on vacation for a week & half an we decided to just float around the pool.  And this is his first time that he was actually here with me without work on his mind.  He’s been off since last Thursday & ended up having to do work 10-12 hours a day till Saturday afternoon here at the house.  Well being it’s the first time in literally 6 months that he’s actually talked to me as a wife and listened to me, well I REALLY screwed up & told him everything I have been upset about & holding in for the last 6 months & that I was so tired of going through everything alone the loss of Mom, his Mom fighting cancer, me finding out about the Fibromyalgia, Tourette’s, Dystonia, Parkinsons, Hypothyroidism & everything else that is has been so scary & tramatic an I have needed my best friend the only one I had left & he hasn’t been here that if he’s home he’s on the phone with work or laptop that he’s here but he’s not.   Well he got pretty pissed walked away after saying how pissed he was so I got out dried off & came in an went to bed at 7:30 an cried myself to sleep.  Well yesterday morning he finally talked to me about it said that I had bomb barted him with it all at one time.  I apologized for that & told him it had all just built up till I finally exploded, I tried to explain my feelings as well he did too & it’s been better and today is the first time I’ve seen my real husband, the one I fell in love with 😍 he’s still in there.   I know prolly just till vacation ends but that’s ok at least he’s still in there.  He even cooked breakfast 🍳 for me 😌😌😌.

I’m gonna try to start writing again more often cause you never know just what life will throw at you!!! Hope everyone has a great week and is in good health.  ~me~