Hey y’all 

Well it’s been a little while but not quite as long this time.   Nothing really new same ol’ stuff.  Been hurting really bad lately & I really try hard to handle this but just don’t seem like I can any more.  At about 6 every evening I fall asleep in my chair & hubbs wakes me up to go to bed. And  like this morning when I woke I could hardly walk on my ankles & that’s something  new seems like there’s always something new.  I find I am so agitated again but I am thinking it might be the migraine meds doing that, I’ve taken them for years but it’s the only thing I can think of besides being miserable with the hubbs job.   I’ve gotten to where I don’t leave the house much any longer cause actually I’m scared to drive I mean I still do, to go to doc or grocery, but other than that I don’t anymore.  I can’t tell my hubbs that or he won’t let me at all, so that’s out of the question.  

Well my mother-in-law did chemo again a couple weeks ago & is still miserable, it usually only last a couple days this time it’s not stopping.  They were not gonna do it any longer but ran some tests & saw it was working some what, so did it.  Now I think she pretty much regrets that decision.   I try to often think of all the hell shes going through with the devil, cancer & think I shouldn’t be sad & all down cause of my life, I mean she knows she’s dieing & oh my that has to be just horrible.  I’m not, so I need to just buck up & quit all this being mad cause of what I have.   But geez Louise it is so hard.  

I’ve been having to keep my Granddaughters & great grand Nephews lately so that’s 4 at a time & that helps to keep my mind off stuff for a little while, being the youngest is 2 & oldest is 13.   Matter of fact one of the twins has now decided she’s bi-sexual, binary (which I’m still trying to understand that one) & there’s another word but I can’t remember.   She was worried I wouldn’t love her anymore, I told her I’d love her regardless.   I’m scared it’s a faze cause all the kids in her school are doing it.    The way she decided she was, was googling it all. 🙈   Now she says she wants to be a boy.   She talks to me about all this & honestly I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what to say.   She asks me how I feel about it I tell her it’s not for me, but your You if this is what you want then it’s your decision.   I totally believe she really needs to wait till she’s a little older to make that decision before she spreads it all over social media like she has but who am I just the grandma.  Like yesterday she is sitting in shorts with her legs spread wide open, her sister told her to close her legs & sit like a girl/lady she said “I am a boy” I just said that as of right now your not a boy, you have a vagina & everyone can see it when you sit like that she said she don’t care cause she’s a boy (which she read on internet that all you have to do to be this way is act like a boy or girl an you will be that to whom ever you want to be with that day) then she walked in house & slammed the door.   Really hurt/pissed me off bad, when she came back out I told her look you wanta talk to me about anything an everything cause you don’t feel you can talk to anyone else but I can’t handle this if you want my opinion on things then you just have to accept what I say as my opinion or don’t ask.   I mean I want her to feel she can talk to me but geez it’s all I hear in songs about being gay or movies about it.   No I am not bashing or against gays I just don’t know what to do with a 13 year old that doesn’t know what she really wants cause one day she’s flirting & talking to a boy really seriously then she’s in love with a girl just the very next day.   This grandma just is to old for all this & just don’t know what or how to handle this & I will have them all summer so PLEASE HELP!!!!  Suggestions are requested & totally accepted. 

For now gotta get dressed for doctor then have the girlies again all night.  So hope everyone has a great day & week.  ~me~

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